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A few paraprosdokians to start summer

I’m supposed to respect my elders . . . but now it’s getting harder for me to find one.

Yes, I’m in a fun mood. For the 40 years we boated on the Great Lakes, every Memorial Holiday weekend was our start to summer with our first weekend cruise. It was exciting then and there’s still something exciting about it even though we now boat year-round in Florida.

So, to celebrate my summer boating anticipation, and for absolutely no other logical reason whatsoever, I’m sharing some favorite paraprosdokians today. What’s a paraprosdokian, you ask? It’s a wordplay device in which the final part of a phrase or sentence is unexpected and frequently humorous. Enjoy.

* They begin the evening news with “good evening,” then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

* The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits (Albert Einstein)

* I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted paychecks.

* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

* Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

* I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

* He taught me housekeeping . . . when I divorce, I keep the house. (Zsa Zsa Gabore)

* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

* If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

* Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

* I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

* If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough. (Mario Andretti)

* The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.

* You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

* You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing . . . after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)

Here’s to a very successful summer in our dealerships nationwide.

Comments

2 comments on “A few paraprosdokians to start summer

  1. Phil

    War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
    Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
    Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
    You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
    It only takes one drink to make me drunk; I just can’t remember if it is the 15th or 16th drink.
    Power corrupts, but we need the electricity
    If you can keep your head while all those around you are losing theirs, then you may not fully comprehend the extent of the problem.
    Women are attracted to older men with a strong will, made out to her.
    Figures don’t lie, but push-up bras redistribute the truth
    A free press is vital, slaves are too dumb to write the news.
    Disarm today. Dat arm tomorrow.
    Jesus saves. Moses invests at 10%.
    Love your enemies, it will drive them crazy.
    Love is grand. Divorce is 200 grand.
    Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Unless you live in Europe in which case yesterday was (I live in Australia!).
    Success is a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
    Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your kids.
    Don’t raise your hand to a child, it leaves your groin unprotected.
    The meek shall inherit the earth, if that’s alright with you.
    Friends will help you up when you fall, but best friends will push you back down and laugh.

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